Saturday, November 25, 2006

Getting It All Done

Why, whywhywhywhy, is life so unevenly distributed? Why must I endure 2.5 months of inactivity, only to be "rewarded" afterwards by unending overload? The number of activities and jobs I'm juggling at present is, of course, a blessing, but I don't feel very blessed. I just feel overwhelmed.

A list, for your perusal:
  1. I turn 38 on Dec. 3rd. No pressure there!
  2. My car continues to be a burden to me. Whilst on my long drive over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house, the damn engine light went back on. I thought I'd gotten that fixed less than a month ago! So, looks like the catalytic converter may need replacing (as initially suspected) which means a few hundred. Again.
  3. Then, the body work disaster continues. They didn't have it ready for me by the vaguely agreed-upon time last Tuesday, so I took it out before the final detailing... which it needs badly, so I'll be returning it. Plus, one of the back door locks is loose so they need to take the whole damn door apart again to fix it.
  4. Both of these car issues will, of course, necessitate leaving it for an extended period in 2 different shops. Do I have the resources for dealing with these transport snafus? No, I do not.
  5. Next week I have to do the monthly website, which is apparently a third larger than usual, and needs must be done by Thursday evening.
  6. But I am also wanted for a new part-time job for the month of December that is 20+ hours a week. I want this job, really I do - I need the money badly - but now my schedule is filled without any room for my:
  7. Regular Clients. I have 4 who want my help next week, and I honestly don't know how I'll fit them in with my currently full schedule.
  8. And finally, I am out of money. 2.5 months of reduced work means reduced income, and I have rent and health insurance due in the next 10 days... and there is NO cash coming in during that time except for dribs and drabs from the at-home clients I manage to fit in. I need a minimum of $1000 to appear miraculously in the next week.

I just feel overwhelmed. This is one of the 5% times when I need a spouse to take on some of the burdens! Cause my family? They've given enough, I can't call on them again. Plus the humilation of having to ask for help again is just too much at present, because it will inevitably produce a lecture (an entirely justified lecture, at that) on how I should either a) be saving more for such emergencies, b) get a real full-time job for security, or c) not be so emotionally battered by such slings and arrows.

Needless to say, the lectures don't help. They just make me feel like more of a failure. Which I suppose I am, even though none of them would ever use that word.

No comments: