Quick Realization

In dealing with some minor personal frustrations with the cover band I'm singing with, I have finally realized something about myself; it's not that I am truly obnoxious or excessive in my attempts to fix small problems, polish a song, or make a suggestion... it's that I am usually the only one doing it. I'm a squeaky wheel, and instead of getting the grease, I will probably... be traded out for a less squeaky wheel.

People who don't feel compelled to "make a noise," (so to speak) aren't at fault in this; they're in the majority. But I wish sometimes that other people could take some of the negative focus off of me, and be the one to say "that's not working," or "can we do this instead" so that I don't feel like such a spoil-sport all the time.

Dire Necessity

We need a new series of hand signals for car drivers. Now that we no longer indicate direction by sticking our left hand out the window, we need to come up with some universally recognized signals that indicate:

• Thank you for letting me merge in front of you
• I am so stupid for cutting you off! I'm so sorry!

I am partial to the idea of punching myself in the head when I make a mistake in driving; it exhibits penitence, frustration with my error as well as an obvious understanding that I am the one responsible.

But when it comes to the thank-you gesture, I can't think of anything good. The fairly common "wave in the rear view mirror" feels too casual, too insufficiently grateful.

As to expressing frustation, I would also like a gesture that exhibits a feeling of "You were very stupid there, I am very mad, but I acknowledge that you might not have meant to be so careless." Honking or flipping someone off is too mean if it is a genuine oversight on their part; they drive on feeling very hurt and offended.

Ideas? Followed by, How on earth do you make a signal universally recognized?

Moving On

Here's how you know that you've moved on from a tragedy - you forget the anniversary.

I was fired from my job at William Morris 2 years ago on June 17th, and I completely forgot until today. This is in stark contrast to last year, when I was keenly aware of of the date.

So I've been working on my own for 2 years now, and it's another mark of my moving on that I am no longer in constant anxiety of not making enough to live on. Every month is still different, I never know how I'll manage, but month after month, the bills get paid, even when the numbers don't seem to add up. God provides, sparrow, lily of the field, etc.

Sorry, that sounds flippant - God really has provided all my needs. I give him all the credit for this.

Brian Bacon, Where Are You?

Brian is an old college friend who disappeared into the wilds of Ohio after graduation, and I can't find his current address.

I have the COOLEST political yard sign I've been holding onto for over 7 years for him... it says

BACON FOR ALDERMAN

How awesome is that?! So Brian, if you're out there, please get in touch!

My Brian story - I was the secretary for the Lit & Lang Department at Belmont in the odd 2 years after I finished my coursework (I hadn't finished my Honors Thesis. My years are all off-kilter) and one day Brian walked into my office wearing a 70s beige & brown double-knit polyester leisure suit and thick horn-rimmed glasses. This, from a guy who generally dressed in a fairly nondescript, Guy way. I didn't know him very well yet, and the whole 70s retro look hadn't come in yet (not even the 60s fashion revival was in play at this point), and I just stared at him with a "wha?" expression. I couldn't tell if he was doing it as a joke, or as a deliberate fashion statement. He acted as though there was nothing untoward about his wardrobe.

Now, of course, I think it was all a joke. A really awesome joke.

Thanks to Hakomike for giving me the idea for this blog entry.

Wierd Dream

Ok, from formerly regular dreams of "I-dreamt-I-was-pregnant-with-no-memory-of-the-father-and-had-to-give-the-baby-up-for-adoption," I have now moved on to bizarre wedding dreams.

I dreamt that I was getting married; but I had been so busy running my business and unrelated errands, that it's now 24 hours til the wedding and I haven't made any arrangements or plans - no dress, no reception space, the church has double-booked and now we're not sure where we'll have the ceremony, no reception or cake. Nor, apparently, am I in any way acquainted with the groom... he's nowhere around at this point, I don't know his name, but apparently I've decided to marry this unknown man.

I do have bridesmaids, though - I come upon them on the day of the wedding, frantic, because I have no dress, and one of them (Rachel, dressed in a purple satin dress which I would NEVER select for her or any other woman!) laughs and says "It's ok, it's over there - that red thing!" Apparently I asked her to get my dress for me, and she chose red. Which isn't entirely bad, since it IS a flattering color for me.

But I never get to see it because I am just rushing frantically everywhere; not accomplishing anything, but in each place and situation, discovering there is yet another thing that I haven't done. "How did I not do any of this stuff?" I keep thinking. And no sign of the groom. For a moment my dream goes lucid and I think "why don't I cancel the whole thing?" but the Dream Me keeps going about, panicking, fixing nothing. It's just a big old disaster.

I think I am always alone like this in these dream scenarios... I am at these big life-events like marriage or childbirth, and I am sans mate. Not that I am ever bothered by this in the dreams - it seems perfectly normal. But what is that saying about me?

Sorry For the Lag-time!

But I've been vewy busy.

This will have to tide you over at present. Got stuff ta do!