Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Wilderness Experience

Work dried up a couple of weeks ago, as I was sort of expecting it to do; I mean, after 3 months of intense activity, it was due to slow down... but I hadn't anticipated such a complete drop-off. I wish I'd made an effort to save more money to get through this lean patch (I don't know how successful that would have been!) but I didn't, and now I'm dealing with minimal cash and way more free time than I like.

What makes it worse is the fact that I'm forced to be more alone than usual. I'm an introvert by nature, but without contact with other people throughout the day, I don't enjoy my down time very much. Other people help keep me from focusing too much on myself. So, no clients, no company, no conversation. I have my part-time job in the morning (Thank GOD) and can talk with people there, but since I usually am toodling along in my office on the computer, there's not a lot of conversation.

So I feel like I'm in a big empty desert. In the desert, there are no tools, no distractions, no resources to help you cope... it's just you and the big emptiness. I generally take this as an opportunity, to try and reconnect with God, to become aware of what he might want to teach me right now... but I don't like it. I always come out on the other side stronger, but the trip across sucks.

Especially when you've got continual drainage from allergies. All my usual treatments and solutions are failing to have the desired effect. I'm so doped up on benadryl and other allergy-related meds that I'm quite mellow right now, but my throat is so swollen and sore after a week of drainage, that my tonsils have swelled up to the size of golfballs and I can feel them rubbing against each other. It's unnerving.

What makes it worse is that I can't afford to go to the doctor. I'm now part of the great Whatever% without healthcare in this country, although I do have a cushion for emergencies through Christian Healthcare Ministries so if anything big happens I'm ok... but I have to pay for little things. So a visit to the doctor isn't in the budget this month.

Pity poor poor Susan!

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