Christ's Ambassadors

I want to make it clear that I am NOT one of those people who quotes scripture as a matter of course, and that in general I am bored senseless by blog posts that discuss passages as in a sermon.

But I heard this one last night at Ash Wednesday services, and it completely sums up the way I have been feeling about the failure of the monolith of modern American Christianity to do practically any of these things... we are called to be so much more than what we are at present, and we are instead being a stumbling block; judging everyone else, lacking compassion, more concerned with protecting our religious and political rights than being a blessing and loving others who need our help...

2 Corinthians 5:20, 6:3-10 (NIV)

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.

We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

I know there are exceptions; there always are. Plenty of missions are doing just what we've been called to do; like Magdalene House/Thistle Farms, or Room in the Inn - but these are the exception, not the rule. It may be that we must lose everything before we can become what we were intended.

To brighten your day... Thanks, Matt!

In Which I Become a Mean Old Lady

I bullied some young men tonight.

Verona Dining Collection in Antique Honey

I was shopping at one of my favorite stores, World Market in West Nashville... looking at absolutely everything in the store, most of which I can't afford (oh I WANT that dining room set!) Soon after I entered, I heard some horrible screeching that eventually coalesced into some sort of rough accordion. It was soon joined by another indecipherable instrument, and it Kept. On. Going. World Market tries to carry everything, apparently, including decorative rustic musical instruments.

Fifteen minutes of this went on. It was evident that the players were attempting to actually coax some kind of melody from the instruments, and they occasionally succeeded, but rarely in key or tune with each other. I caught a glimpse of them and saw they were some college-aged guys. I began to formulate crushing, cruel put-downs to make them stop... "Could you guys go be douches somewhere else?" was my favorite.

Surely they would stop. But they didn't, and finally when I was crossing an aisle-way I saw them standing in a group about to add a third instrument to the mix. I stood and glared at them, and one glanced up and saw me, and I called out, "Could you guys go be annoying somewhere else? I mean, you have been playing FOREVER!" The sudden feeling of Old Lady Power rushed through me, as I realized I. Did. Not. Care. What. They. Thought. It was intoxicating.

As I walked on, after a brief pause one of them called out, "but, uh, we're musicians, ma'am!" I snapped back, "Well, you need to practice more, but not here!" Another lady an aisle over caught my eye and nodded with satisfaction, and I smiled and shook my head.

But as I wandered on looking with elaborate unconcern at chair slipcovers and china I didn't need, I started considering what had happened. The boys had looked ABASHED. They had looked genuinely surprised. And they were obviously enthusiastic about trying to make these things play music. They were just overgrown boys. And I began to feel sorry. Elliott would have TOTALLY done the same thing. To an instrumentalist, an instrument MUST be attempted!

I began to worry that they would go back to school and tell the story of a fat old bitch in the store who had yelled at them and been insulting, and it would become an anecdote for years to come. I would never be identified, but my spirit would be scorned and vilified for years to come. I would apologize; I would go up and be contrite and say I understood their enthusiasm, that my nephew would have been trying the same thing, and that I was being mean.

But it was too late. They were gone, and I had been bitchy for my own satisfaction and the pleasure of a well-placed zinger. So to the three young men in World Market in West Nashville on a Friday night, I am sorry. You saw me take the next step in my Crazy Cat Lady/Spinster Aunt/Old Maid aging process, and it was into the Mean Old Lady stage. I would have preferred it be the Sassy Old Lady, or the Sharp as Nails Old Lady, but unfortunately I took the Cranky exit. You meant well, and you weren't actually being douchey.

And to the little boy bashing around two cheaply made fans that I said rebukingly to that he "could actually BREAK those things by waving them so hard!" I hope you will... no, actually, that kid was being a little brat. I WANT him to think twice before he messes with things that aren't toys in a home interior store.

From our Crazed Family to Yours...

Merry Christmas, and fervent prayers for a
Sane and Happy New Year!

It's been a good year, really!  I've been happy this first full year in my condo, with a very, very slow decorating approach – I just hung most of my pictures 18 months after moving in! I think the kitties have been reasonably content; as long as I will not attempt to pick them up & squeeze them (corporal cuddling), yet will make my lap available when they want some cuddle time, they appear satisfied with the arrangement. Daisy has become a big chunky fuzzball, while Bunny is a sleek little girl. They both are good cuddlers. Bunny has an obsession with dunking stuff in their water bowl that utterly mystifies me, though. I come home and find wads of yarn (the preferred plaything at present) in the bowl and water everywhere; I put all the loose yarn in the back room, and in less than an hour, it’s been dragged back to the bowl. The little freak!

The Young Adult historical fiction books by Gladys Malvern that I have been editing to reprint are all done.  We managed to get 12 of her public domain titles back into print, and I think the books are beautiful! Sales are tepid but steady, and we hope the homeschool community will discover them soon. They are available at all the big online book retailers...

Work ebbs and flows, as always… It's been six years now since I started House Calls, and started at the AEA/Vandy. I still love working at both places. The variety of both jobs and switching back and forth keeps me from getting burned out. I had my first (minor) surgery on my right tear duct this summer, but apparently I was one of the 5% whose heals up wrongly, and so I am going back in to have it redone 2 days after Christmas. *sigh* I’m still singing with the Parish Choir and Chamber Singers at St. Bartholomew’s in Nashville, and still love it.

Hoping you and yours are well! God bless and keep you!

How Steve Jobs Made Me a Computer Geek

Well, HE didn't actually make me a geek... but his old beige toaster Macintosh did.

In 1987, I was a dyed-in-the-wool Luddite; a history/literature/musician/actress ARTISTE. I had managed to avoid computers all through high school (they were still in the punch-card phase and I saw absolutely no reason to bother with something so obviously dull). I was as right-brained as they come, and proud to be so.

Then I went to college at Belmont. Within my first month there, I realized that I was going to have to start typing papers, and I think my friend Suzy Life offered to show me where the computer lab was on campus. I have no memory of my first visit there, but I remember how the computers looked; so cozy, so simple and I approached them without any fear whatsoever. There were only 3 or 4 available for student use at that time.

This is the model they had - the operating system booted from a small 800K floppy. There was no hard drive yet! But I remember someone showing me the font choices they had like Times, Chicago and Venice, and I was all "ooh, pretty!" I started using it to write letters to pen pals and friends, and by the time I really did start using it to do papers, I was fairly comfortable with a Mac.

Of course, I was still under the illusion I was an artiste! I got my History degree with a minor in English. But as the years progressed I continued working with Macs, and by my senior year I was working as a lab monitor in the large, 20+ computer Mac lab across the hall from my mentor's office, the Dean of Humanities, Robert Simmons. He adored Macs, and typed up detailed critiques on student papers and essays, which he would print out on a noisy dot-matrix printer. It was he who decided the School of Humanities needed its own computer lab, and he established special freshman writing classes that were taught in the lab, so the students could get comfortable using computers for composition. He'd even let students in his classes go downstairs during a test to type their essays in the lab! I miss him terribly - he died a few years after I graduated.

I still didn't know that I liked computers. My use of them had been so organic, so thoughtless, that I had no notion that I had any particular affinity or skill. I've always said that things need to sneak up on me; I am so alert to potential scenarios that I can become crippled by expectations and behave quite stupidly. Well, computers snuck up on me! Almost every job I had from that point on, in various secretarial and office admin positions, had a Macintosh on hand, and I used all of them.

By the time I was working on my 2nd undergrad degree in Theater, I had gotten a student job working in sales for the campus "Computer Connection" store. They also took care of departmental support for the college; fixing, installing, and maintaining computers all over campus. But they were so short of tech guys, and the demand for user support was so great that one day I said "well, I could probably install RAM at least; why not show me how to do it?" I had never even looked inside a computer before. (My favorite anecdote is that memory was so vastly expensive at this time, that it was selling for $350 for an 8MB chip!)

The next thing I knew (really, I don't remember any learning curve) I was doing both jobs - support and sales. I was delivering computers (how I loved our delivery golf cart!) around campus and installing them, installing memory, making service calls, even giving tutorials to staff on software programs. Less than a year after I started at the Computer Connection, I was hired to work at the William Morris Agency, which was one of the rare businesses that primarily used Macs and they needed a Mac person. I'm still astonished that they hired me; I had no qualifications or education in computers!

But the Mac had taught me how to use itself, even in the days before the internet became really useful. Steve Jobs, Woz, and Apple Computer made a computer that I didn't need a college education in Computer Science to use and support. Since my years at WMA, I've moved on to Windows and PCs and that is what I primarily support now. But my affection and nostalgia for the Mac platform, for the beauty and ease and simplicity of the products made by Apple (with some notable exceptions, of course!) will always be with me, and I will always be grateful to the people who made a machine that took me out of my right brain, and eased me into using my left as well.

A Moment of Insight

OK, I've figured out what this presidential campaign season is actually all about... it's about New Toys.

We have this set of 8 or so action figures, and some of them are the cool ones that we like from the movies like Han Solo or Princess Leia... but others are characters we don't really remember from the movies like General Taggi* or Chall Bekan*. Those would be the Jon Huntsmans and the Gary Johnsons. We tend to leave them in the box.

But you know, we've been playing with our Michelle Bachman and Mitt Romney for a while, and they're getting a little boring... what this make-believe needs is some new action figures! Can we have a Rick Perry? Pleeeeeeese? I don't wanna play with Newt; his head keeps falling off! So Mom gets us a Rick Perry but after a week or so the novelty's worn off him and we'd really like a Chris Christie or a Sarah Palin to make the game fun again (although we had a Sarah Palin a while back until our dog chewed it up so it wasn't any good and mom threw it away).

We're treating these men and women like toys for our entertainment. We delight in every misspoken sentence, every ill-thought idea, and let the media mock and shred them for our entertainment. Is it any wonder Palin and Christie are reluctant to announce candidacy? How can any of them have anything approaching a substantive conversation about their stand on the issues, when they're continually required to be defending every word that comes out of their mouth, or attacking the last stupid thing another candidate said? It really is a blood sport.

You know, now that I think about it, it's more like a cat who's caught a mouse or a baby rabbit, and batted it around and gnawed on it until it lies motionless and dead... it's not fun anymore. So the cat goes hunting for another critter.

*I had to look these names up on IMDb; I'm a geek, but a diversified geek!

Lynching in Georgia

Troy Davis, a man convicted of murder in Georgia, is going to be executed tonight at 7pm. In the years since his initial conviction and sentence, the original case against him has fallen apart; multiple witnesses have recanted their testimony, one of the witnesses CONFESSED to the crime, etc. Any of this is sufficient to give an appeal legs... but four appeals have gone through and he is still slated for execution. WHY?

After lamenting the injustices of Nicaraguan "law"in regards to the wrongful arrests and convictions of my friend Eric Volz and now Jason Puracal, at least in their cases, I didn't have to worry that the state would have them put to death! Now a man is going to be killed under a dubious conviction in the democratic and supposedly "better" United States of America. I have always said that I would prefer for the guilty to go free than for the innocent to be locked up, which is why I wasn't too fussed about the Casey Anthony case.

Can you imagine how heavy the guilt of executing a potentially innocent man will lie on the heads of those who could have undone this injustice, and have not? Do they not think at all of the Golden Rule - treat others as you want to be treated? I don't know if this case is a result of discrimination, of laziness, of just plain bloody-mindedness... but it makes me feel about as safe with the American Justice System as a woman in 1690s Salem who has a lot of enemies in town!

God forgive those who are responsible for his incarceration and execution, and those who could undo it and yet have chosen not to err on the side of mercy.

So Sick, So Tired

Once again, Nicaraguan Injustice has prevailed.

I did so hope... although I don't know why I should have! The way they treated Eric Volz should have been lesson enough that reason, fairness, justice are absent from the Nicaraguan legal system. Now Jason Puracal, who has already spent almost 300 days in jail on no evidence, has been convicted of international drug trafficking, money laundering, and organized crime. This is despite the total lack of evidence, and with an illegal judge presiding.

Americans, leave Nicaragua. You've had 2 warnings now; the sweetness and light you think you are living in is all a facade. At any moment, you can be arrested, imprisoned and tortured on the flimsiest of pretexts. Hell, on no pretext at all! Maybe if you immediately bribe the officers who are arresting you... maybe then you will be able to escape with your life and your freedom. But trusting to the laws of that country (which may be just fine on paper) and your own innocence has been proven to be stupid and naive.

We think that because we have a reasonably fair legal system in the US that all legal systems are equally fair. THEY ARE NOT.

• Shane, Josh and Sarah arrested in Iran for the mistake of hiking near the border; Shane and Josh convicted and condemned to 8 years in prison.
• Amanda Knox, arrested and convicted of a murder she could not possibly have committed; 30 years in Italian prison
• Eric Volz, arrested and convicted of murder in Nicaragua despite airtight alibi and complete lack of forensic evidence. 30 years in prison, miraculously overturned on appeal.

Now add Jason Puracal to the list. These are just the ones I know about and have been following; God only knows how many cases like this exist that haven't got strong social media on their side.

I don't want to have to fight through another one of these cases, because they won't fight fair. Reason and logic serve no purpose. Justice is a word they shit upon.

I'm holding on to this; a friend happened to post this (I don't know why) just as I heard the news about Jason:

13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.

14 Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

Psalm 27 (28)

freejasonp.com
freethehikers.org
injusticeinperugia.org

AVALANCHE Week to Free Jason Puracal!

Trial is scheduled to resume with Day Three this Tuesday, August 16. From the Court's rulings during the first two days of trial, it is clear the Judge is pushing for a conviction. He has crippled the defense case by throwing out the very evidence that proves Jason’s innocence, including a real estate expert, Jason’s accountant, and the letter from the DEA. The Judge has also prevented the defense from questioning the prosecution’s witnesses on key issues. It is time to make the State Department see the injustice in this case. They must step in and demand Jason’s release.

CALL to ACTION: This week is AVALANCHE Week. Senator Cantwell is the person that can force the State Department into action. We want to bombard her office with phone calls (not just letters and emails) to insist that she force the State Department to demand Jason’s release. Please everyone commit to making one phone call each day this week to Senator Cantwell’s office to let her know that we want action. The goal is for Senator Cantwell to receive at least one phone call about Jason every minute of every day this week.

Senator Maria Cantwell
202-224-3441 (Washington D.C. office)
206-220-6400 (Seattle Office)

In Which I Have Surgery

I am having a DCR procedure Friday morning - DCR stands for Dacryocystorhinostomy. They are basically creating a new tear drain for my right eye, which has had a lump around the tear duct since January. Apparently my tear ducts are much smaller than they should be (at least in my right eye) and nastiness has been building up from a blockage in that area. Plus my tears cannot drain down into my sinuses like they should, so I look like I'm perpetually crying and wiping away tears. I haven't been able to wear eye makeup in months!

So I'll be having an outpatient procedure under a general anesthetic (first time in my life!) around 8:30 am, and will hopefully be home by noon. My friend Rachel is staying with me for a while, and so she's going to take me and bring me home and make sure I don't collapse or starve or whatever; at least until I've fully recovered.

Unfortunately, on Tuesday my right eye started really swelling up, and now 3 days later my vision is partially impaired, and my eyelid is puffed out over the top. The whole area is very tender and I suspect, infected. My Dr. has me on antibiotics to try and get it back to normal in time for the surgery, but I am dubious that less than 2 days of meds is sufficient to turn it around. So it might have to be postponed.

So I would welcome prayers; that the swelling and infection would go down, and that I would be calm and relaxed throughout the process... and that I don't freak out when they come to give me the IV (I'm a needle-phobic)!

Why Casey Anthony Didn't Win

As angry as everyone following the Casey Anthony case may be, I actually think the Not Guilty verdict may be far worse for her than she or her family have imagined.

Look at it this way. If she had been judged Guilty, she would go to jail. I don't think she'd get the death penalty; she's young and obviously weak. Everyone would feel vindicated and jubilant, and in 20+ years when she was paroled, the worst of the anger and desire for vengeance would have subsided and there would be little interest. She could live quietly, and at least she would be regarded as having paid her debt to society.

But as a person perceived as guilty by the majority of society (I've not heard of anyone who believes she is innocent) who "got off scot-free", she will be rejected and shunned by society. I doubt anyone would ever hire her for a job again. The fact that even her parents have had death threats is an indicator of how strongly people hate her right now. No one will ever allow her around their children, I would be very surprised if she ever has another date in her life, and I can just imagine her showing up at one of the nightclubs she used to go to... the appalled hush that would fall over the room, the turned backs. And that's just the mild response... there are always people who take vigilante justice too far, and her life will doubtless be threatened for a while to come.

I'm not exactly surprised at the jury's decision. Although everything "gestures" to her, the actual, tangible evidence that proves she killed her baby just isn't there. And I am actually comforted that our legal system would rather err on the side of letting the guilty go free, rather than send the innocent to jail. That's one of the wonders of our legal system, and I am grateful that we can have a questionable Innocent verdict, as opposed to one based on popular opinion. When the Lindbergh baby was kidnapped, they executed a man who very possibly was innocent. This judgment 75 years later, with a similarly tragic case, I find encouraging and an indication of maturity.

Five years ago, I might not have thought this. I was inclined to believe that where there's smoke, there's fire, and that anyone who was in jail was genuinely guilty. But then I learned of Eric Volz, and the sham arrest, trial and conviction he suffered in Nicaragua for murder, and I realized that mistakes are made, and popular opinion allowed to influence trials. Eric was so patently innocent - and all evidence and witnesses to that innocence was discarded and ignored so that evil people could get revenge on America... or protect the real murderer... or score political points. Anything but justice was the goal.

So I don't mind so much that Casey Anthony is going to go free. Because I would rather the guilty go free than the innocent be imprisoned, and I believe that society will probably be far crueler to her than any prison cell could be.

I know, I know, these 2 opinions do not match up!

Handiwork

A friend was writing about creative and artistic endeavors, which made me think of this journal entry I a wrote a while back, so I thought I'd post it here!

June 14, 2005
I am currently engaged in a wholly engrossing activity of truly nerdish/geeky proportions; I have become a chronic embroiderer. My favorite activity most nights is to come home and watch Simpsons episodes while I do needlework. I am keenly aware that this is the most appallingly boring activity most hip young thirty-somethings could ever imagine. But there are several compelling reasons why I feel the need to sew.

[BTW, did you know that the word "suzan" in Farsi means "needle"? See?!]

• One, because it keeps me from being an irredeemable couch potato. As long as I am Productive, I don't feel like my evenings in front of the TV are a complete waste.
  
• Two, because it keeps me from eating from boredom - it is impossible to eat and sew simultaneously.
  
• Three, because it impresses the hell out of almost everyone. A well-executed sampler or project as a gift will pretty much make every other gift look tawdry, cheap, and ill-considered. "See? I love you more than everyone else!"
  
• Four, because it is beautiful.
  
• Five, because it is real.

Four and Five deserve some elaboration... some "embroidery," if you will. All day long at my IT job I manipulate bits of nothingness - I produce NOTHING except documents that more often than not never even get printed - ghosts of words that are read by someone in an email and then deleted, never to be made tangible. Needlework is the one inescapably real thing I do outside the office that actually displays talent and skill beyond my ability to hook up a user laptop on a DSL wireless network and connect via VPN to the office network, or add a show venue address to an enormous database.

It used to be that most of the things produced with needle and thread were useful in some way - you made clothing or upholstery or bed linens yourself. But now there's no need - it can be done more cheaply and quickly by machines in factories, or by women at home on sewing machines. Almost the only hand-sewing done now is for art's sake - quilts, cross-stitch, needlepoint. And when you use real linen, and cotton or sometimes silk thread, there is a tangible, beautiful product completed after many hours. It takes focus and it takes patience. Except for little projects, most needlework projects take weeks or months.

It's sometimes my only grasp on what is real, what matters, what is meaningful - with a TiVo, iPod, and Blackberry, I can literally spend HOURS on intangibles that have little value or benefit (unless it be to inspire or educate... but for me, usually it's just for entertainment). I come home after herding invisible bits and bytes around an unseen network all day, and I pick up a piece of fine linen with threads of scarlet and purple, and I am making something far more enduring than the report on client earnings I generated that morning, or the software installed that afternoon.

And of course, like I said - it impresses the hell out of everyone.

The Relief of Abandonment

I am very, very accustomed to being left behind.


It took quite a while to realize that abandonment, often perfectly benign, was an integral part of my life. A general list:

• My dad (Al) died of leukemia when I was 3
• My best friend in kindergarten (Missy) moved away the following summer
• My best friend in first grade (Betsy) moved away the following summer

At this point things stabilized... but I never had another best friend. I don't THINK it was a conscious decision; there just wasn't anyone I clicked with in the years that followed. I went through grade school and high school with many of the same classmates, but none really close.

• My adoptive stepdad (Chuck) left when I was 17

This I didn't mind at the time; none of us were happy, and he was too strict and broken himself to really be able to show us any affection. But it did mess up the family dynamic; I felt that our stability had left with him.

College was where I actually started to make some good friends; none of them were "besties" but they were consistent and I saw them daily for several years... but as the only one of us actually from Nashville, when school was over, I stayed there... and they all left, to return home or continue their education elsewhere.

I made new friends at my first real job, then went back to school to get a 2nd degree and made some ALMOST best friends with 3 other women. We called ourselves the Honda Club, and they were the closest I've ever had to something approximating best friends. But within a few years, they all left as well, to different cities.

I got a long-term job working with computers at a talent agency, and started making friends there. There were 5 of us who got together frequently for dinner and movies, and we called ourselves Movie Club. But one by one, they left town (except for one of the women, thank God!)

I feel like I have formed and lost and reformed and lost so many friendships in my life that I'm honestly perturbed when someone actually STAYS. So many times I have been told by a friend that they are leaving town, and I go to the farewell party or give them a parting gift or help them pack... but on a certain mental level, after the sad, weary acceptance of another loss, I'm relieved. I don't know why; in some twisted, broken way... it is what has always happened, and so I don't know how to build a friendship beyond a certain level of development. And now, with their departure, I won't have to deal with the harder, more work-intensive aspects of the natural growth of a friendship.

Now that I'm much older and stable in my society, people from my peer group are proving more likely to stay. And I am beginning to realize that there are aspects to my friends that can annoy and disappoint me, (just as I can definitely annoy and disappoint them!) But never having had to work through this more advanced friendship stage before, I don't quite know how. I'm glad that I am older and wiser enough to be conscious that nobody's perfect, and that this is actually what is SUPPOSED to happen... but I'm afraid of messing up.

And don't even get me started on my incapacity for romantic relationships - at the developmental rate I'm going, I should be ready for dating and marriage around... 70. ;)

Reboot Christmas

I'm writing this now, a few days after Christmas, so that I can hopefully keep it in mind enough to help me avoid another Christmas like this one in 2011.

Not to blame my family or friends, but once again, Christmas was disappointing... I am grateful that I didn't suffer the crushing depression I so often felt in December in my 20s, but any attempts to make Christmas worthwhile or meaningful just failed miserably. It can't be done. It is one long round of unmet longings, of excess and expense that makes no-one but children happy.

I know it's a different set of disappointments for everyone, but in my case, it's a month of frantic activity and checklists that culminate in... nothing. It's isolating, a stripping away of the work routine that keeps me plugged in to society and content, and having stripped away that schedule and left me with nothing useful to do, leaves me bereft and dependent on the hospitality of family members who never built up any traditions to give us some structure for the holiday.

Having just written that paragraph, an epiphany has just occurred to me: why don't I hold the Christmas gathering next year? I've always assumed as the Single of the family that my role was to arrive at a larger house with a supplementary side dish, a dessert, and gifts. But what if I were to host the thing, to direct the course of the day instead of hoping for someone else to arrange something enjoyable for all?

I say this with anarchy in mind... because the best, most memorable holidays I have had are the ones that resemble a sitcom plot for a Christmas episode. Primary example:

For decades our family has gone every Christmas to our relatives in Batesville, AR, because it was the habit of our childhood. We would sometimes escape the slight claustrophobia of my Grandmother's house (where nothing much was done beyond meals, TV, naps and conversations) by going on an errand to the Super Wal-Mart. One year my mom, sisters and I all went together, and in an uncharacteristic move, bought some sodas and sat in the little corner food court after our shopping. We ended up sitting there and talking for over an hour. We realized that we didn't really want to leave and go back to the house... that we didn't really enjoy these Christmases in AR because we never did anything fun... and that we all felt the same way. It ended up being a long group therapy session, and even now over a decade later, we will still talk fondly about that time in the food court at Wal-Mart.

It wasn't that we didn't love and enjoy my Grandmother, and that we didn't like seeing my cousins (who were always the big drawing point for us)... it was the very separation from that tradition that was memorable and a turning point for us as a family. This was before my sisters had kids, and we hadn't yet realized that it could be enjoyable sitting around and talking, just the women of our family.

I guess the conclusion I'm arriving at here, is that as much as we need the traditions of the holiday for structure, we also need to scrap them on occasion. Baking cookies every Christmas can be an enjoyable habit... but the minute it becomes a burden, it needs to go away for a while! I stopped holiday baking for several years when it ceased being fun; well, this year I had a longing for making sugar cookies and decorating them, and so I stocked up on cookie cutters and sprinkles and went to town on the baking for gifts. I also ended up making over 25 dozen sausage-cheese balls over the month of December.

So I think I want to scrap both the (subconscious) traditions/habits of the last few decades (or the lack thereof)... and maybe be the host next year. I may just make pasta, I may have no presents but a movie marathon, I may have only a tiny tree for decoration or every room covered in ornaments and wreaths... there are no rules beyond trying to create some new traditions (Zero-dollar gifts... homemade gifts... sushi and cheesecake...) to help take us out of this misery of disappointed expectation.

I like my family. I don't have any stress being around them, they don't torment me or get drunk or cause unpleasant scenes or drama, and I am deeply grateful for that. But I think we can use a reboot.

Word du Jour

Paraprosdokian (from Wikipedia)
making the rounds... not sure of the origin!

A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø There's a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

The 2010 Christmas Letter

Christmas 2010

Dear Friends and Family,

After 10+ years of Christmas letters, I finally have had a year that has really provided me with something to write about!

... In Which I Become a Homeowner

In April I finally bought my own place! I had been looking for over a year for a house, and in fact put an offer on a short sale property in July 2009. After over 7 months with no updates and no response from the bank making the sale, I gave up and started looking at condos, which turned out far better than I expected. I now live in Brighton Village, a small, brand-new complex right next to Nipper's Corner (also known as Brentioch by some of the locals; between Brentwood and Antioch, obviously). I had the great luxury of picking out my floorings & some fixtures, and now have the joy of a condo where everything except me and my possessions is brand-new. I do miss my old neighborhood terribly - the first month or so I was a little depressed and I kept driving back to Cool Springs on the flimsiest excuse.

I was also fortunate in that my condo was high up on a hill, which proved a great advantage when the Nashville May Day flood came roaring in less than a week after I moved in. For all the tragic losses of people and homes, it has been an absolute joy seeing how charitably the city responded. Nashville really does take care of its own, and even now I still love hearing stories of how people immediately pitched in, helping both neighbors and strangers to safety and then helping to clean up the destruction. My mom and dad's basement flooded and there was some damage, but my family and I were all safe (if inconvenienced), thank God!

I still have a lot of work to do; I turned the master bedroom into the Office/Computer Gutting Station/Library/Craft Room/Guest Room. Since my bedroom is just for my clothes and sleeping, I took the smaller one; I'd rather use the bigger bedroom for living in! After taking several months to get some nice bookshelves built (not built-in; I want to be able to take them with me to my next place!) I have finally put away all my books, which have remained in boxes for over 6 months now. What luxury! Then paint a couple of accent walls in the Great Room, and all my pictures can be hung up. It will be nice to have a (mostly) completed home. I still have some bigger pieces of furniture I hope to get.

... In Which I Become a Cat Lady

About 6 weeks after I moved into my new place, I finally took the plunge after years of waiting and got myself a couple of kittens. They are 2 grayish/brownish tabby twin sisters, and I named them Daisy and Bunny (although they are frequently referred to as my Lazy Daisy and Dumb Bunny). When I went to visit and see if I liked them, I discovered that they were born on the day I moved into my new home, which I considered a good sign! I still can't tell them apart unless they are right beside each other (Bunny is skinnier) or I can see the color of their collars. They make me glad to go home at night... although their medical bills? Not so much.

Daisy is proving to be my smart girl; when told NO or scolded, she usually meows wistfully but stops misbehaving quite quickly. She also comes when I call (if she isn't doing something particularly absorbing) which is unusual for a cat. I was giving her antibiotics for an ailment for a few weeks, and now whenever it's time to give her a dose, I call for her, she meows and comes running and stands by my side until I pick her up and give her a dropper-ful of medicine. She also likes being cuddled like a baby, or to curl into my neck and shoulder. She saves her energy for later, unlike her sister.

Bunny is my quicksilver girl; she is incredibly fast and has almost a morphing ability to get into my closet when it's open for a couple of seconds (where she dearly loves to pull clothes off of hangers). She's braver than Daisy and not as easily startled; at the same time she's slower on the uptake. A few months ago I had to give both of them medicine, and while Daisy (initially) would make a run for it and hide the minute I got out the medicine each morning, day after day Bunny would just sit and look at me with an expression of "What's that you got there, mommy? I've never seen that before... Will I like it?" She also adores playing Fetch with fake mice.

Believe me, I am being RESTRAINED in my description. I can talk about them endlessly. And do!

... In Which I Become Editorial

I had an unexpected opportunity arise this fall when I started looking into the world of public domain publishing. There is an author I adored as a child named Gladys Malvern, who wrote almost 4 dozen Young Adult historical novels. Her books went out of print years ago (she wrote from the 1940-60s) and so it has become difficult to find her books except in the occasional library, or for sale online for up to $150 for popular titles. I started scanning copies of the books into PDF files a couple of years ago (after checking them out through Inter-Library Loan at Vanderbilt) and have about 20 of my favorites preserved.

Recently I reconnected with an old high school choir friend through Facebook who has his own publishing company that specializes in reprinting and repackaging classic books in the public domain, and asked how hard it was to get out-of-print titles reprinted. One thing led to another, and I ended up signing a contact with him to serve as an Associate Editor and reprint the eligible Malvern titles! We hope to bring out the first book in Spring of 2011; it is one of her most popular titles, Behold Your Queen!, a novel about Queen Esther from the Old Testament. I am very hopeful that it will sell well and we can start bringing out other books in the coming years. I really believe that my fondness for history came in large part from reading books like these when I was young, and I would love for them to be available to my nieces and nephews.

... In Which I Become Insured

At the end of the summer, I was asked to increase my hours at the American Economic Association from 20 to 30, which made me eligible for medical insurance through Vanderbilt University as a full-time employee. This made me very happy! Not having had insurance for the last 3.5 years has been occasionally scary, although I am grateful that no significant medical expenses arose during that point. Now I regard my insurance as a treat, like a pedicure or a shopping trip: "Ooh, I can get that mole checked out now! I can get my eye exam! I won't have to pay to go to the chiropractor anymore!"

It has meant fewer hours are available for my House Calls Computer Service, and for a while there I was so overwhelmed with both jobs that I stopped taking new clients. But it has evened up now, and I finally adjusted to the additional hours. It wasn't as stressful as it might have been, since I adore my co-workers; I am really lucky to have such an agreeable group of people to work with! I am glad I do get to continue doing both jobs; it keeps me from getting bored or burned-out.

... In Which I Behave As Usual

Church Music: Still singing!

Crafts: Still stitching!

TV: Still watching!

Nieces and Nephews: Still sitting! Not that they really need it anymore... *sigh* the youngest one is 7, the oldest 17! Except for Greta's girls, who STILL live too far away.

I hope that you and your families have a wonderful Christmas season, and that 2011 is a great year for you.

The Lord bless you and keep you
The Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace;
The Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. Amen!

Love,

Susan

More recent travails

• After years of anxiety about an excessive backlog of unwatched DVR recorded shows (TiVobligations, credit James Lileks) I have only added to my burdens by becoming even more addicted to British TV programming that has accumulated on my laptop. Do not inquire how I came by this glut of entertainment; only know that I am not acquiring anything that can be legitimately purchased or rented in the US! I have days worth of shows I really do want to watch (I recently got my hands on some episodes of The Goodies which hold up remarkably well) and yet, summer and rerun shows are over and new American TV shows are once again refilling my TiVo. Alas! There is not enough free time.
• The kittens are thriving, despite having rather more delicate filtration and digestion systems than I would wish for... both of them are finishing up treatment for microbial parasites, and one of them is having antibiotics in addition for a nasty bladder infection. You would scarcely know they are sick at all, so full of frisk are they; they have begun to resort to Blatant Manipulation to gain access to my room at night. Daisy lurks just out of sight behind a corner, and as I come around to my room, flings herself onto her back like a drama queen and shows her belly, as if to say, "isn't this the most adorable belleh you have ever seen? How can you resist petting this?" Yet I am adamant. They are too bouncy to stay asleep all night. I know perfectly well they have been sleeping all day long and just want in my room for more playground territory.
• Working full-time (or, full-timeish) has seriously impaired my home business. I have had to stop accepting new computer repair clients, since I have difficulty finding the time to take care of the ones I already have. But the job is great, and finally having full insurance again (after 3.5 years without) is completely worth it. But it feels wrong to say no to new clients; I so badly needed them in the past that to turn someone down now feels like a waste.
  

Is Islam a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Someone sent this to me today, and it gives me pause. CAN THESE STATISTICS BE PROVED? Because if they are correct, then there is a potential for the end of Western Civilization.

I have to remind myself that Communism was perceived as great a threat as Islam in its day, and yet now it is almost a joke. (Although it only had a shelf life of 100+ years, and Islam has been around for centuries.) In other words, this current fear of Islam might all just be society's need for a bogeyman.

Anyway, I am posting this as part of the dialogue... and pray that it is wrong. I did check Snopes and it hasn't made it to the site yet.

Islam in Laymans terms

---

Adapted from Dr. Peter Hammond's book: Slavery, Terrorism and Islam: The Historical Roots and Contemporary Threat

Islam is not a religion, nor is it a cult. In its fullest form, it is a complete, total, 100% system of life.

Islam has religious, legal, political, economic, social, and military components. The religious component is a beard for all of the other components.

Islamization begins when there are sufficient Muslims in a country to agitate for their religious privileges.

When politically correct, tolerant, and culturally diverse societies agree to Muslim demands for their religious privileges, some of the other components tend to creep in as well.

Here's how it works:

As long as the Muslim population remains around or under 2% in any given country, they will be for the most part be regarded as a peace-loving minority, and not as a threat to other citizens. This is the case in:

United States -- Muslim 0.6%
Australia -- Muslim 1.5%
Canada -- Muslim 1.9%
China -- Muslim 1.8%
Italy -- Muslim 1.5%
Norway -- Muslim 1.8%

At 2% to 5%, they begin to proselytize from other ethnic minorities and disaffected groups, often with major recruiting from the jails and among street gangs. This is happening in:

Denmark -- Muslim 2%
Germany -- Muslim 3.7%
United Kingdom -- Muslim 2.7%
Spain -- Muslim 4%
Thailand -- Muslim 4.6%

From 5% on, they exercise an inordinate influence in proportion to their percentage of the population. For example, they will push for the introduction of halal (clean by Islamic standards) food, thereby securing food preparation jobs for Muslims. They will increase pressure on supermarket chains to feature halal on their shelves -- along with threats for failure to comply. This is occurring in:

France -- Muslim 8%
Philippines -- 5%
Sweden -- Muslim 5%
Switzerland -- Muslim 4.3%
The Netherlands -- Muslim 5.5%
Trinidad & Tobago -- Muslim 5.8%

At this point, they will work to get the ruling government to allow them to rule themselves (within their ghettos) under Sharia, the Islamic Law. The ultimate goal of Islamists is to establish Sharia law over the entire world.

When Muslims approach 10% of the population, they tend to increase lawlessness as a means of complaint about their conditions. In Paris , we are already seeing car-burnings. Any non-Muslim action offends Islam and results in uprisings and threats, such as in Amsterdam , with opposition to Mohammed cartoons and films about Islam. Such tensions are seen daily, particularly in Muslim sections in:

Guyana -- Muslim 10%
India -- Muslim 13.4%
Israel -- Muslim 16%
Kenya -- Muslim 10%
Russia -- Muslim 15%

After reaching 20%, nations can expect hair-trigger rioting, jihad militia formations, sporadic killings, and the burnings of Christian churches and Jewish synagogues, such as in:

Ethiopia -- Muslim 32.8%

At 40%, nations experience widespread massacres, chronic terror attacks, and ongoing militia warfare, such as in:

Bosnia -- Muslim 40%
Chad -- Muslim 53.1%
Lebanon -- Muslim 59.7%

From 60%, nations experience unfettered persecution of non-believers of all other religions (including non-conforming Muslims), sporadic ethnic cleansing (genocide), use of Sharia Law as a weapon, and Jizya, the tax placed on infidels, such as in:

Albania -- Muslim 70%
Malaysia -- Muslim 60.4%
Qatar -- Muslim 77..5%
Sudan -- Muslim 70%

After 80%, expect daily intimidation and violent jihad, some State-run ethnic cleansing, and even some genocide, as these nations drive out the infidels, and move toward 100% Muslim, such as has been experienced and in some ways is on-going in:

Bangladesh -- Muslim 83%
Egypt -- Muslim 90%
Gaza -- Muslim 98.7%
Indonesia -- Muslim 86.1%
Iran -- Muslim 98%
Iraq -- Muslim 97%
Jordan -- Muslim 92%
Morocco -- Muslim 98.7%
Pakistan -- Muslim 97%
Palestine -- Muslim 99%
Syria -- Muslim 90%
Tajikistan -- Muslim 90%
Turkey -- Muslim 99.8%
United Arab Emirates -- Muslim 96%

100% will usher in the peace of 'Dar-es-Salaam' -- the Islamic House of Peace. Here there's supposed to be peace, because everybody is a Muslim, the Madrasses are the only schools, and the Koran is the only word, such as in:

Afghanistan -- Muslim 100%
Saudi Arabia -- Muslim 100%
Somalia -- Muslim 100%
Yemen -- Muslim 100%

Unfortunately, peace is never achieved, as in these 100% states the most radical Muslims intimidate and spew hatred, and satisfy their blood lust by killing less radical Muslims, for a variety of reasons.

'Before I was nine I had learned the basic canon of Arab life. It was me against my brother; me and my brother against our father; my family against my cousins and the clan; the clan against the tribe; the tribe against the world, and all of us against the infidel. -- Leon Uris, 'The Haj'

It is important to understand that in some countries, with well under 100% Muslim populations, such as France, the minority Muslim populations live in ghettos, within which they are 100% Muslim, and within which they live by Sharia Law. The national police do not even enter these ghettos. There are no national courts, nor schools, nor non-Muslim religious facilities. In such situations, Muslims do not integrate into the community at large. The children attend madrases.

They learn only the Koran. To even associate with an infidel is a crime punishable with death. Therefore, in some areas of certain nations, Muslim Imams and extremists exercise more power than the national average would indicate.

Today's 1.5 billion Muslims make up 22% of the world's population. But their birth rates dwarf the birth rates of Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, and all other believers. Muslims will exceed 50% of the world's population by the end of this century.

It occurs to me that this may be a bit of illogical reasoning; that Islam is responsible for the deterioration of these countries with higher Muslim populations may be reversing the cause and effect; what if the countries with weak or deteriorating infrastructures are more likely to attract Islam, rather that Islam being the cause? My grasp of logic is tenuous and ill-defined, I know...

It's the Little Things...

I regularly listen to a BBC Radio 4 show (via podcast) called The Now Show - sort of a Daily Show, but all UK-based. (I now know a RIDICULOUS amount about their current political situation!) Anyway, they were recently talking about allowing various groups and organizations to set up their own academies, including atheists:

Mitch Benn: "I know this is probably gonna get me kicked out of the atheist's union, but I think I'd miss it if you completely dechurchified schools. But anyway they should still definitely sing hymns in assembly. Atheist hymns, obviously."

(sung to the tune of "All Things Bright and Beautiful")

All things bright and beautiful

All creatures far and near

All things vast and miniscule

Just happen to be here

There was no great creator, there is no grand design

The Universe is getting on without all that just fine

All things known and still unknown

We can or cannot see

All things are just 'cause they are

Co-in-ci-den-tal-ly

Not my own beliefs, obviously! but still funny nonetheless.

Story of my Life

although, I don't use GPS... I do use Google Maps!