Saturday, February 25, 2006

Gazing Into The Future...

OK so I have, for some years now, written predictions for friends of mine in the performing arts; grand and glorious careers amongst the high and mighty of Hollywood, Broadway, and the literary and musical fields. Because what is a prediction for except to inspire and encourage? And honestly, in this day and age why shouldn't it happen in as miraculous a way as I've forseen?

So my friend DJ lost out on an amazing opportunity due to red tape, and I wrote this "career path" for him:

"I can see it now... the 2008 Tony Awards... You're nominated for a Best Actor Award... You win, and go up and give the best acceptance speech EVER, and Mel Brooks hears it, and goes, "That kid is PERFECT for my next show!" which would have been all lame and stuff because, let's face it, he hasn't had anything really fresh or funny since the days of Blazing Saddles; but you add so much to the role that the critics actually go mad about it, and the studios decide to make a movie version, which, unlike the Producers, is actually GOOD, so you're up for a Golden Globe in Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy, which you win, of course, and you give another fantastic acceptance speech, and then Kevin Smith begs you to make his next picture, to which you say, OK, because you've realized that one of your gifts as a performer is to revitalize the careers of formerly great writer/director/producers, and instead of making a comedy, it's a historic drama on the scale of Reds because you have so completely inspired Smith that he decides to go in a completely different direction, and that of course leads to an Oscar. And then you go on Oprah!"

You should read the one where my friend Rachel ends up "turning" the irresistable Brit Rupert Everett from his current orientation, and having a half-dozen kids with him. It's a corker!

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