Saturday, February 25, 2006


I went to a memorial service today at my church for a young couple who just lost a baby at around 18 weeks. She's had a horrific pregnancy; constantly nauseous and frequently hospitalized for dehydration, and so for this to happen after 5 months is just heartbreaking. All that suffering and pain with no baby at the end of it. They already have a daughter so they aren't entirely bereft, but they hurt nonetheless.

Now, this is the part where I acknowledge my own selfishness and self-interest, but I present this anyway because it's not an entirely invalid realization. As we were sitting and listening to an amazing reading, and I looked down from the choir loft, I saw that she was resting her head on his shoulder, and I thought, how lucky she is to have her husband and her little girl, and all of these people are here to share and acknowledge her quite understandable grief...

...but do single, unmarried, childless women ever get the same? I have no husband, I have no children, and my chances of having either are slimmer and more fragile every year... will anyone besides my mom and some women friends ever grieve with me that I have no-one? It'll be the occasional night of weeping, the occasional teary-eyed conversation over lunch, and that will be the end of it as far as anyone is concerned. Their grief will diminish, and they might yet have another baby, but my grief of an unrealized family will never go away.

I may have the advantages of freedom and independence and sufficient sleep over those with spouses and children, and I may really enjoy it most of the time. But I will never be granted the respect and consolation of a memorial service for the death of my hopes and dreams.

Lordy, that's a downer. Go read the funny one under this!

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